Exposing Cults at a Book Fair
March 29, 2009 by Richard E. Kelly
Filed under Featured Article, Notes on the News
F![Dick Kelly at the Tucson Festival of Books [Original Photo Credit: Craig Bieber]](http://justoneopinion.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/dickkelly-tfb.jpg "Dick Kelly at the Tucson Festival of Books - [Original Photo: C. Bieber]")
or as long as I can remember, books and and the written word have been an important part of my life. In fact, I wouldn’t be who I am without them. So for me, it was a very special privilege to be invited to participate, along with four hundred other authors, in the first annual two-day Tucson Festival of Books in March 2009. Scheduled to be held on the lovely University of Arizona campus, I could not imagine a better setting for the fifty thousand readers that were expected to attend.
Seven months before the book fair, I received a phone call from the chairperson of the Festival’s planning committee. She had read my book,Growing Up in Mama’s Club, and Esther Royer Ayers’ Rolling Down Black Stockings, a memoir about growing up as an Old Order Mennonite. She believed both of us had interesting stories to tell and wondered if I would be willing to put on a one-hour presentation with Esther to share our childhood experiences.
When I put the phone down, my mind was racing. Why had they paired the two of us? Could Esther write? Would the chemistry work between us? What did we have in common, since I was raised as a Jehovah’s Witness and Esther as an Old Order Mennonite? I immediately ordered her book and found it to be a quick, easy read. I posted the following Amazon.com review:
“How could you not fall in love Esther Royer Ayers after reading her stirring story in Rolling Down Black Stockings? I know that my wife and I did. Perhaps it’s because Esther and I had strong, dominant mothers who chose non-mainstream religious beliefs and practices over common sense to raise their children. Maybe it’s due to the ghosts that haunted both our adult lives because of how fear trumped love in our parent’s decision making skills while we were growing up. Then again, it may be that as an author, I especially enjoy writers with a gift for words, engaging their readers with eloquent prose, poignant metaphors, and down-to-earth analogies.”
After I read her book, I felt that I had found a sister and called her immediately, knowing she had also just finished reading my story. We had lots to talk about and commented about the commonalities of our childhood experiences. Although we were reared in totally different religious groups, we shared the same pain and shame as children, and we reacted in similar ways when rules and regulations were forced upon us. It did not take us long to figure it out: we had both been raised in a cult and this was our common bond. Esther shares her thoughts on this matter on her own website at EstherRoyerAyers.com. – Click here to read her article.
As we began talking about what we would say and how to present our stories at the Festival, the title for our presentation, Two Remarkable Stories of Growing Up in Cults – Told with Compassion and Humor, became self-evident. We decided to have a lively interactive dialogue about growing up in different cults—exposing surprising and shocking similarities between these two very unique and secretive religious groups. Then we would open it up for questions from the audience. We also came up with the following list to help people identify if they belonged to a cult:
You Are Probably a Member of a Cult
[If your church advocates at least ten items from the following list - per Esther and Dick]
- The Church’s leaders or leader tell you that your religion, and only your religious group, is directed (exclusively) by God.
- You are taught that only members of your religious group have the potential to earn God’s good graces and salvation.
- You are taught that Satan and his demons are the instigators of all false religions (any religion but yours).
- There is an autocratic, dictatorial, tribal organizational structure in place with “Unquestionable Authority” given to the church leaders.
- You can’t challenge church beliefs or practices. If you do, you are disciplined or excommunicated, shunned, and treated as apostate. (Blind, robot-like obedience to church authority is required.)
- You are told to associate with only members of your religious group. Friendships with non-church members are frowned upon.
- You are told that your church leaders receive divine inspiration from God on how to interpret the Bible, or you believe in a literal (word-for-word) translation of the Holy Bible.
- Your loyalty to the church and God is continually tested with rules, regulations, and no-no’s that alienate you from societal norms.
- You are constantly reminded you are never doing enough to please God. In order to win His favor and salvation, you must do more.
- Women are treated as inferior to men – and the subjugation of women permeates all areas of your life.
- You are told to sacrifice pleasures and opportunities in this life in order to be rewarded in your next life.
- Public education is controlled and limited. College is a no-no. Optimum schooling is best provided only from church leaders/journals.
- You believe the world will be destroyed in your lifetime. (JWs)
- You are told what books and literature you can and cannot read.
- You aren’t allowed to pledge allegiance to the flag of your country.
- You are forbidden to celebrate holidays.
- Parents are advised to spank or whip their children, and told this is God’s preferred form of discipline to raise them wisely.
- You are not allowed to investigate the history of your church.
- Your church advocates beliefs that are not scientifically possible.
- You are forced to comply with a strict dress code.
- Members police other members to enforce church rules.
- You believe irrational human behavior is caused by the Devil.
The first day of the Tucson Book Festival was Saturday, March 14, 2009. Activities for people of all ages began at 10:00 AM and lasted for seven hours. I was assigned to a booth, shared with two other authors, to sell and sign my books from 1:00 to 2:30 PM. We had lots of curious visitors who asked some very good questions. Overall, it was an eye opener to see that so many happy family-oriented people were in attendance. At the end of the day, I had some time to meet and talk with many of the other authors in attendance.
My big day came on Sunday. Esther and I started our one-hour presentation at 4:00 PM in Koffler Hall, followed by another half hour to sell and sign our books. As the Hall began filling up, I was excited to see so many new faces along with a few close friends. After Esther and I were introduced, the next hour just flew by. The chemistry between Esther and me, and our audience, was what writers doing a presentation can only dream about. When it was time for questions and answers, this engaged group was fully energized with many arms waving frantically to have the moderator call on them. We handled several excellent and well-thought-out questions.
After selling and signing books – and answering many questions on a one-on-one basis – I was left with an incredible adrenaline high and a special kinship with this newly-found sister of mine. I felt very grateful to those people on the Tucson Festival of Books committee who saw the wisdom in pairing Esther and me – and letting us tell our own stories of growing up in cults.
![Esther Royer Ayers and Dick Kelly at the Tucson Book Festival- [Photo credit: www.EstherRoyerAyers.com]](http://justoneopinion.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/photo-7-ema001.jpg "Esther Royer Ayers and Dick Kelly at the Tucson Book Festival- [Photo credit: www.EstherRoyerAyers.com]")
Thank you Richard Kelly, my brother in cult-life, for a well-written and descriptive article about our experience at the Tucson Festival of Books. And you are so right! We didn’t know the other existed until the Festival wisely paired us together because they felt our books were similar. How smart they were, for although we grew up in different religions and in different states, we share the common denominator of growing up in a cult, which means we had/have similar lives. For me, personally, having you in my life as my cult sibling has brought me the peace of knowing there are others like me.
Richard and I share a communality that only siblings can know. We are not alone. We have many other siblings in cult-life. We invite your comments. Share your stories with us.
Thank you, both Dick and Esther, for your efforts to make this issue known to the World.. It is good to know I have such nice siblings from the cult-life!
I have had the pleasure to meet Dick in Norway, my home-country. I grew up as him, a JW. In the healing process, I have been writing stuff about my upbringing and adult life for a few years. I dont know if I`m ever going to be “normal”, but now I can enjoy life much more. Dick’s book was very good for me to read. A movie (film) from Denmark, Worlds Apart (2008) has been helpful too. (www.toverdener.dk) I now have contact with Tabitha Brøhner on Facebook, the girl whose story is told in the movie. I have little contact with my family today, but I am determined to work for a better kind of life for me and my family (daugther and husband). So good luck with life! 
to us all.. 
Love Heidi 37, Norway
We have a ministry to ex-Jehovah’s Witnesses and there is a very real need to help those of that relgion, especially those who want help. So many feel they are the only one to experience such bad, but Dick’s book shows them that others have went through similiar things. The bottom line is that many more cults ‘pop up’ regularly but their teachings are in many ways similiar. We have an inside with God. Ours is the Truth. We (the Cult) speaks for God, so you had better listen to us, and on and on. I would like to see this book made into a movie someday! Good job Dick and good job Esther.
Loved reading about both Dick and Esther’s connection, and of their similiarities despite the differences on the surface. My primary response was how powerful and important such stories are…and how vital it is to be open-minded, and to pursue truths (without feeling the need to ever “find” them.) For the authors the process of writing such personal stories is pivotal, and for readers the understanding of a personal journey and struggle inside a cult religion has to be a revelation. We are fortunate to have people like Esther and Dick writing their stories.
Both Richard Kelly and Esther Roger Ayers touched my heart with their life stories. Although both are different stories they are nevertheless the same story of triumph over emotional pain, shame and oppression at the hands of a spiritual abusive system in which they were raised. I found their stories an encouragement in the victory of the human spirit over adversity and with the surprise gift of finding a kindred friend in each other.
Dear Richard:
I really enjoyed your book and would love to read about Esther’s story. In China we called some of the converts to Christianity “Rice Christians”. The church provided a bowl of rice to the poor and hungry who would be willing to listen to their preaching. When my twin sister and I were sent to the French School, my father made us understand that it was for the education, not for the religion. He told us we could decide that later, when we were old enough to understand such things. As It is, I don’t follow any particular religion, but practice my “Ying Yang” philosophy and have a clear concience. I love all people and believe there is good in everyone.
I like this saying by C. S. Lewis: “What! You too! I thought I was the only one.” So thanks, kindred spirits, for sharing your wonderful stories in such nourishing words. It’s strengthening to know we do not have to walk alone.
Mr. Kelly – thank you for your very nice article about you and Mrs. Ayers talking about your childhood. I was kind of like that too, but I was a Baptist. I don’t think anyone has the only religion and sometimes I think they don’t know what they are talking about.
For instance, I would go to one Baptist Church and the preacher would say that we should not dance and girls should not wear makeup or drink beer. I would go to another one across town and all the women had lots of makeup and big hair and everyone would have barbecues with lots of beer. I remember when Jan Crouch came to give a speech at a local revival sponsored by the Baptists, the ones that didn’t believe in makeup, you couldn’t see anything except her big wig and makeup globbed on like house paint.
I went to another church one time that made all of the women wear skirts to church and even stockings when it was 110 degrees. I never could understand why you could go to different churches that called themselves Baptists and yet they all taught different things.
I thoroughly enjoyed meeting both Dick and Esther at the book fair. Having lived a life similar to Dick’s made it very interesting. Esther was a delight. Anyone with an interest in cults should read these books for the insights they contain!
Melissa, thank you for your kind comments. I had the privledge of meeting personally with Melissa shortly after the book fair. And having heard her story, she is the person who could, or should, have written a book. She is a most remarkable person who earns my kudos for surviving an emotional ordeal that only the best and strongest, as Darwin would have predicted, could have done. You are my new hero!@Melissa G -
Awww, thanks Dick. Who knows, maybe someday I will write one!
Dick and Esther,
Thanks for first making the enormous effort needed to honestly face who you are and what forces had been at work to make you are that way, then continuing on the journey from that place to another place, then taking the time to document your journey in writing, so that others could learn from what you experienced. I have not read your book, Esther, but I have read Dick’s book and found it to be a heartwarming, funny and illuminating account of what must have been a very difficult journey to make. God bless you both!
Dick,
We very much enjoyed your book and know that it will help and encourage many who have grown up in cults! It’s always good to know we are not alone. What a journey! Many decisions have to be made if you leave. Is what you have been taught as a child true? Is leaving the cult worth being shunned by your family? For Dean and I, life outside the cult is far better! Thanks for your good work!
Dick, I am so glad you found Esther and a kindred spirit. It is always a revelation (ha!) to find others of a like mind.
For years I kept quiet about my own beliefs as far as religion is concerned. When I finally mustered up the courage to confess (ha!) that I am an atheist, I was stunned to find that many others felt the same. We are intimidated by the religious and society places us somewhere in the social hierarchy as below used car salesmen.
I have decided in my old age that I do not need to keep mum about religion or the social injustice that I feel many religions entail, such as women’s rights, gay rights, etc. I am not a bad person because I am a nonbeliever. I consider myself a Humanist. Live and let live.
I am proud to be your friend and Helen’s too! Cheryl
I have read Dick’s book and identify to his experience as a JW, raised up in it late 50s through mid-80s, also having gone to “where the need is greater” and to Bethel. I will also get Ms. Ayers book. JWs may be a small group in itself, however with the combined numbers of other cultic groups, the numbers of ex-cult members can have a powerful voice and there is a valuable real story among them that must be told!
I am so glad a former JW friend sent me this experience of unrealistic life of two former cult members. Good to learn there are others making the truth known about the domineering, controling leaders and consequences to families. The life oportunities lost by being mislead in following such organizations who rule in the name of God.
Spent 30 plus years, raised 4 children under the umbrella of no, nos all for the profit of organization.
Good and comforting to read of the above.
Dear Richard,
I have just received the link regarding your book from Gayle Minette McCurdy, and I must tell you how exciting and inspirational it is to hear that you wrote about your experience growing up as a Jehovah’s Witness. I am looking forward to reading it as soon as I can. I find it hilarious that you coined this cult a club, which I cannot disagree, because they are similar.
Being invited to speak and present your book at the Tucson Book Festival was a wonderful opportunity to expose this cult, which was the reason I wrote my story. My daughter Tami encouraged me to write down how I went undercover in the organization to rescue my other daughter Gloria.
I also grew up as a JW and even married one. He was an elder for 15 years. At that time we lived in Orange County California, actually in the city of Orange, and Anaheim. We all resigned in l983 except Gloria, (then married). After that we lost her because of their shunning policy for 10 years. In 1993, I decided to go back and become a member so I could communicate with her, and show her their cult-like errors. It took 2 years to accomplish this along with exposing her elder husband as a child molester.
If you are interested in reading it, the title is: “Going Undercover To Rescue My Daughter, From The Cult Of Jehovah’s Witnesses”, by Nancy J. Sage ( I have included many family pictures).
http://www.amazon.com/Going-Undercover-Rescue-My-Daughter/dp/0941813053
It seems to be the season for exposing cults, you and Esther Royer Ayers are to be commended for writing your books, and putting them out there for the public. I plan to get in touch with Esther also. Right now I am negotiating with the producers for the Oprah Industries Inc. to be on one of their TV shows, ( A&E or Discovery channels), and for producing a movie. We are looking for a screenwriter that will help for the movie. Do you happen to know of one?
I am looking forward to hearing from you, and letting me know if you have any further plans to promote your book.
Most sincerely,
Nancy